An atmosphere headed big breast woman became my sex-friend

An atmosphere headed big breast woman became my sex-friend

Once more, the Hollywood Foreign Press Corps has forced us into an emergency situation, therefore I am announcing the winners associated with 1996 Drive-In Academy Awards one early week. The announcement that is late 12 months had been considered to be hampering peace efforts both in Bosnia while the Golan Heights, as otherwise cooperative parties became grumpy while waiting for term from Grapevine.

Henceforth, without further adieu, our very first category is.

Best Airhead Sex movie Turnaround, a jungle-sex that is erotic about an unemployed actress who daydreams about consuming hallucinogenic jungle juice with nekkid Indians and achieving crazy intercourse like they do in paperback novels. She gets her possibility whenever she actually is chased by masked gunmen to your Costa valley that is rican of white-faced, sex-crazed, flesh-worshipping, cuckoo-juice-drinking natives.

Most readily useful Director The runners-up are. Kim Henkel, Return of this Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Jack Perez, America’s Deadliest Residence Video. Fred Olen Ray, Attack associated with the 60-Foot Centerfold. Anthony Waller, Mute Witness. Howard Winters, Dead Boyz Cannot Fly. In addition to champion is. George Saunders, Intimate Deception and Street Angels.

Most readily useful Sci-Fi Flick Cyberstalker: fundamental Instinct satisfies Tron in Newt Gingrich’s nightmare that is worst, the tale of the nerdy, geeky cybersurfing femme fatale who really really really loves her computer a great deal she’s got intercourse with it and becomes half-woman, half-computer, then kills whomever doesn’t always have the appropriate respect for great pc computer computer software.

Most readily useful Actor The runners-up are. Danny Bonaduce, America’s Deadliest Residence Video, whilst the video clip nerd whom falls in deep love with the weapon moll for a cross-country killing spree.

Robert Davi, The Dangerous, as being a motorcycle-riding wolf that is lone talks Japanese and knows the thoughts of killer ninjas, so the police chief brings him away from your retirement and turns him loose with a few attack tools in a cemetery high in drug goons.

As well as the champion is. George Saunders, Intimate Deception, because the haunted musician surrounded by nekkid women that can not understand just why he gets a great deal intercourse in a single film; and Street Angels, whilst the wisecracking cop who makes long speeches concerning the fighting abilities of seafood.

Most useful Actress The runners-up are. Debbie Rochon, Abducted II: The Reunion, whilst the junk-food-eating redhead whom describes her boyfriend that is old saying, “we like pets. “

Kathy Shower, Married People, solitary Intercourse 2: For Better or more serious, because the ignored spouse packing up all her stuff, placing the youngsters within the place wagon, and having out of the lying scumball that is no-good’s hitched to.

Additionally the champion is. Steen, Turnaround, once the blonde that is oversexed daydreams about planing a trip to Costa Rica, consuming some strange jungle medications, and having intercourse to a nekkid Indian as he finger-paints all over her body–but settles for hot intercourse with goofball con man Fred Lehne.

Breast Actress The runners-up are. Paula Barbieri, The Dangerous, given that girlfriend that is mysterious wears a micromini and high heel pumps through the flick, such as the scenes where she actually is being chased by mobsters with automated tools.

Lissa Boyle, buddy associated with the Family, once the daughter that is hot-to-trot at the senior high school being a United Way Agency; and Intimate Deception, because the knockout nude model who really loves her work, saying, “we have a look at myself as a vital ingredient into the art of creation. “

Theresa Morris, personal Lessons: Another tale, the hot small party woman whom simply keeps dancing down on the roof regarding the stylish Southern Beach disco, where then she strips and does the Horizontal Hustle in the front of a neon indication.

J.J. North, Attack associated with the 60-Foot Centerfold, into the name part, for saying, “Help me personally, i am huge! ” and, “I’m a girl–i that is big manage myself. “

Additionally the champion is. Patti Davis, Playboy Celebrity Centerfold: Patti Davis, wherein she reveals her weakness for “guys in undershirts and tattered jeans that turn out to be your downfall”–a choice this is certainly somehow associated with her memories of bodysurfing along with her daddy.

“Water happens to be a tremendously healing thing in my situation, ” she states, prior to a hunk walks out from the surf and begins kissing every inch of her hula-skirted bod.

This will be prior to the sci-fi dream where she dresses such as for instance a hooker, dials up the perfect guy in addition to perfect girl on her behalf computer, then waits into a sandwich for them to appear in a cloud of dry ice, tie her to the bed, and basically make her.

Most readily useful Femme-Fatale Shauna O’Brien, Friend for the Family, whilst the walking Goodwill box who rings the doorbell 1 day, presents by by by herself to your stepmom as a classic buddy of a pal, and ultimately ends up set up into the visitor house, where she’s got intercourse with everybody in the household.

Most Breasts Playboy Celebrity Centerfold: Patti Davis: 90.

Most useful Movie The runners-up are. Attack regarding the 60-Foot Centerfold, the epic featuring J.J. North given that ditzy blonde whom takes just a couple of way too many breast-enhancement medications and ends up stomping around Malibu just like the Godzilla Illustrated swimsuit problem.

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Return regarding the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the initial decent sequel towards the drive-in movie that is greatest ever made, about two prom-night partners whom have lost away on the road, where a creepy redneck known as W.E. Roams around in a satanic wrecker, gathering systems and quoting literary works and trapping teen-age girls in gunny sacks.

Together with champion is. America’s Deadliest Residence movie, the finest movie ever built in Racine, Wisconsin, featuring Danny Bonaduce as being a nerdy spouse in deep love with their camcorder who eventually ends up operating through the legislation with three convenience-store professionals who decide they kinda like having their exploits recorded on tape.

Spinal Tap meets Natural Born Killers. Once more, we’d no overlap utilizing the other prizes utilising the expressed word”Academy” within the name (copyright suit pending).

C. 1996 Joe Bob Briggs (written by NYT features that are special